


It Was Only A Dream

by 71Mistakes



Series: You Are All I have [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boarding School, Catholic School, Homophobia, Homosexuality, I am really bad at tags, M/M, Secret Relationship, catholic and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/71Mistakes/pseuds/71Mistakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve loves Bucky. Of that much he's sure. Now if only he could get the rest of his Catholic Boarding School to be okay with it that would be great.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Only A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one of the series. I got the idea off of a Musical called Bare. There are different versions. If you haven't seen it you should. It's amazing. This series follows closely with the play so if you've seen it the story-line will be familiar to you. 
> 
> NB I tried not to ... I really did but some words are taken directly from the musical. Please don't hate me. I'll try to make it non-existent or keep it to a minimum.

“Ángele Dei, qui custos es mei, me, tibi commíssum pietáte supérna, illúmina, custódi, rege et gubérna. Amen.” We sang as we did at the beginning of every mass.

 

The fun thing about catholic boarding school, the mandatory school masses. Not that everyone understood the meaning of the word mandatory. I had one particular person in mind as I thought this, looking around the chapel hall as we process inside and not seeing him with the other students.

I am an altar boy and I bow at the sanctuary then move to my seat at the side of the altar. Father Fury begins his speech. Welcoming everyone to the New Year at St Michael’s. He focused his speech towards us, the seniors.

“It’s your last year together.” He says “You have spent four years here. You’ve lived together. Studied together and most importantly prayed together.”

The last part has most of the senior class giggling. A sharp glance from Sister Peggy Carter has us all shutting up though. Sister Peggy was the sweetest woman you could meet but she was downright scary when she had to be. Father continues his speech and as he drones on I slowly begin to block him out.

A smile appears on my face but it has nothing to do with Father Fury and more with what I was up to last night. I don’t think Father would appreciate how I spend my nights. That reminds me just how tired I am. I try to prevent a yawn and fail remarkably. I find myself falling asleep, cursing that good for nothing roommate of mine all the way.

 

*******

When I open my eyes again I find I hadn’t zoned out for as long as I thought. Father had just began the Confiteor “I confess to Almighty God ….”

I continued the prayer with everyone else the words meaning more to me than anyone knew _“That’s I’ve sin through my own fault.”_ But was it really a sin. I didn’t think it was wrong _“In my thoughts”_ It didn’t feel wrong. _“In my words”_ I tried to stop. _“In what I have done”_ I did. But I can’t _“In what I have failed to do”_ Better to ask for forgiveness then seek permission _“And to you my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord our God”_

Only after I had said those words I realized that the church was quiet. Everyone’s eyes, including Fathers was trained upon me. Did they know? They couldn’t have. We were careful. But in their eyes I saw judgement. I saw hate, disgust. In my mother, _when did she get here,_ I saw disappointment.

“Attention everyone.” Tony Stark said. He was the second most popular boy in school and when he spoke everyone listened “I know we’re here enjoying this wonderful service to start our school year but is my duty and obligation to say this. One of the students here … one of the boys here in the Catholic school is not like the other. When he looks around in gym it pleases him to see the other guys half naked around him. He’s taking chances even though he know this part he has chosen is doom. He has chosen to sacrifice his soul to feed his vice. Thoughts enslave him and it is up to us as his Christian brothers and sisters to help save him. To make him realise that hell is forever and Heaven only comes to those who have the discipline to live their life in a manner deserving of such a holy place. This boy is none other than Steve Rogers.”

Everyone was looking at me. Everyone was judging me. I couldn’t stay quiet I had to defend myself. To defend what I feel “But it doesn’t make sense. What I feel is real!”

“What about your parents huh?” asked Pepper Potts, Tony’s girlfriend “Have you thought about how your mother will suffer and how you’re father couldn’t bare the shame. They’re divorced aren’t they? Whose fault do you think that was? Why do you think they fought so much? You’re not even trying to change. You just stand here and make excuses. What about that poor boy you claim you’re in love with? You gonna drag him down too. You know you made him who he is. He likes girls. He’s just unsure and you can help him on the part to riotousness. If you really love him you’ll set him free. Life is choices. Are you making the right ones?”

“Our love is strong! I don’t understand. Can’t you see? It can’t be wrong if we love each other.” I say.

My words cause a riot. Everyone has something to say and they all disagree with me. They all think I’m wrong to feel how I do. I see my mother step up. She waves her hands to get everyone’s attention and asks them to settle down. Then she begins to speak.

“Let me tell you all a story. I tried with him. I did. Some people like to blame the parents but I’m here to tell you that despite the best efforts of a single mother a child can still go horribly wrong.”

“MOTHER!”

“For his eight birthday, Stevie asked me for an easy bake oven which he did not get. That same year, his father asked me for a divorce. The link between those two events was a strong as Steve’s attraction to my makeup table and my shoe closet.  We saw where he was going and we tried everything. We tried counselling. Steve went to every therapist in the country but none of it worked. Finally we sent him to Catholic Boarding school thinking it may help. God can do anything. But then he met James. Sweet boy that James but I saw how my Steve looked at him and that was the day I told myself ‘Sarah you wanted grandchildren. Instead, you’re going to get ambiguous Christmas cards from south beach.’ It’s a choice Steve. Don’t tell me it’s not a choice. Don’t do this to me”

“Thank you mom. Thanks for that. My entire school needed to hear that. A choice. Please. Why would I choose this? You know what, don't answer that. Why are you here anyway? This is a closed mass.”

She said nothing, just looked at me disappointed and walked away, Wanda taking her place. “Please get ready to sing our offertory hymn” Offertory. Isn’t there a second reading and a Gospel. What the hell is going on “It’s number 279. A Bender Among Us”

A what!? Is that actually a song? What’s going on? I open the hymn book and sure enough there it is.

**_There’s a Bender among us_ **

**_He must be exposed_ **

**_He’ll kidnap our children and take off their clothes_ **

**_A bender among us_ **

**_There’s pink in our flock_ **

**_A boy without conscience who’s led by his cock._ **

How is this a song in a hymn book? How is this a hymn? It’s insulting that’s what it is. I say nothing. What could I say? And mass is continuing as usual. The sign of peace begins but no one wants to take my hand and shake it. After my third try I give up and just stand where I’m supposed to. When it’s time for communion I kneel like everyone else, close my eyes and say the words “Lord I am not worthy to receive you but only enter under my roof and I shall be healed.”

“Lord he is not worthy to receive you.” Everyone else echoes.

I ignore them and I join the line to get communion but when it’s my turn Father Fury looks at me and says “Not at a funeral Steve.”

I’m about to tell him that we’re not at a funeral but when I look around I see a coffin on the altar and everyone is crying. Tony get up and walks towards the podium and begins “If we could just take a moment … If we were silent …. If we had spoken … If …. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” And then he runs off

“What the hell is going on?” I ask “Mom?” she doesn’t answer “Pepper?” doesn’t even look at me “Natasha?” shakes her head as she cried “Tony? What is it? Can you hear me? Is that me? Who’s in the coffin. I want to see who’s in it.”

I move towards the coffin but Father is blocking my way. Suddenly everyone is staring at me again and that can mean nothing good.

“Timothy, Romans, Corinthians, and Leviticus” they yell. “Forgive the sinner but hate the sin. We’re created in God’s image”

Oh goody. They’re yelling scripture at me now. What’s next? They gonna throw bibles at me?

“Abomination. Abomination! ABOMINATION!” they chant as they walk forward to surround me.

Oh gosh. This is it. This how I die. I take my last deep breath ......

 

*******

 

“Let us go in peace to love a serve the Lord”

What? I look around. I’m still seated. There is no riot and no one is yelling at me. My mother’s not here. Everything is as it was. I was dreaming. Dreaming! It was only a dream I tell myself.

As I walk out the chapel I quietly say a hail mary. It’s not the first time I’ve fell asleep in church and it’s not the first time I had a dream like this but somehow this one is different. It feels different and I can’t help but feel scared. I want to just curl up with my roommate and forget.

Speaking of the asshole, that heathen missed mass again.


End file.
